


I'm Getting too Old for this Shite

by Laurincia



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas Party, Focuses more on some characters tho, I know it's not Christmas but shhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurincia/pseuds/Laurincia
Summary: The Russians are notorious for their interesting choice in gifts. This year might take the cake for best/worst gift.





	I'm Getting too Old for this Shite

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to some nerds on discord with helping me come up with ideas for this  
> I know it's past Christmas but I still wanted to write this

Mike had finally retired. He didn’t do so out of his own free will, no, Seamus  _ forced  _ him. “You’re too old for this shite, you’ll throw your back out lifting your gun!” He yelled one day. 

“I’m not even that old!” Mike yelled back. 

“You’re nearly seventy!” Seamus exclaimed. And so, Mike had officially hung up his gas mask and left Hereford base to retire in North Yorkshire. Everyone would send Mike some occasional gifts. Some of which, had included White Mask masks, glass dolphins, bullet casings, a teddy bear, and some glasses. So far, the Russians held the record for the weirdest gifts. One of which was a large Russian cookbook, a key to some Russian car, a huge bag of sunflower seeds, a gallon tub of mayonnaise, a packet of bacon, a tiny gas mask, fake rubles, a full Adidas tracksuit and a box filled with six bottles of vodka. A note had been taped to the inside of the box with the tracksuit. ‘With this, comrade, you can become a fellow gopnik,’ the note read in barely legible cursive. “What the fuck is a ‘gopnik’?” Mike muttered to himself. He didn’t ask the Russians directly.

 

James and Dominic were once ballsy enough to hand deliver an oxygen tank that they had swiped from either Elena or Ryad and ding dong ditched, leaving the box on Mike’s front doorstep. When he opened the box, he felt three years get cut off his lifespan. He decided to drive back to the base to give the oxygen tank back to whoever it belonged to. Turns out, the tank belonged to Elena. She chased James and Dominic around the entire base screaming Spanish curses while Ryad couldn’t stop laughing and cheered on Elena. She eventually chased and cornered the two. Mike laughed and left after he witnessed Elena kick two grown men’s asses. Timur had stopped him before he drove off and handed him a small box. Mike was suspicious but opened it nonetheless. It was a laser sight. “Heard you were getting old. It’s about time you get some aid in vision,” Timur grinned. 

“Piss off and go back to your country, reddie,” Mike threw the box at Timur’s face and drove off.

 

It was nearly Christmas, and Mike was feeling rather lonely. Retirement life had never really suited him, he was built for the military, for Rainbow. So he had invited every single operator over for a Christmas party.  _ All thirty-seven _ . He told them to bring food, as be was not cooking for every single one of them. Mike might regret the decision to throw the party later.

 

The remaining three SAS members were the first to arrive. Mark cringed the moment he laid eyes on Mike’s ugly sweater vest that he had bought for the sole purpose of making them cringe. “I can’t stand to look at you, I’m sorry, mate,” Mark sighed, hiding behind Seamus. Mike chuckled and tossed a small box wrapped in tacky wrapping paper along with zip ties that were weaved around the entirety of the box. Mark caught the box and stared at Mike, while Seamus made his way into the kitchen. James found his way to the living room and turned on the television to some obscure cartoon. “What’s this?” Mark asked. 

“A gift,” Mike deadpanned. 

Mark stared down at the box. Might as well get Jordan to crack it open when he arrives, or get a saw.

“You didn't get me anything?” James pretended to be offended. 

“You'll get something if you help with dinner,” Mike said. 

James groaned but did so nonetheless. Didn't want the old man crumbling, after all. The Americans all came next. The second they entered through the front door, they were reeling. The antique decor, the obnoxious old people wallpaper,  _ everything _ . “What the fuck?” Eliza whispered to no one in particular. “This is creepy,” she shuddered at the sight of the large chandelier hanging from the ceiling. 

“He really is posh,” murmurs Jack, as he crosses his arms. Miles was in awe, looking around the house and studied every little trinket. 

“This place is worse than my grandma’s,” Jordan mumbled to himself, staring at the tacky floral wallpaper. They didn’t say anything about the sweater vest that Mike was wearing. 

They placed their gifts under the Christmas tree and wandered around the house, while Miles diligently helped Seamus, James, and Mike prepare some dinner. Meghan decided that Mike’s house wasn’t festive enough and started running around, decorating. Jack, Jordan, and Craig turned the television on to American football while Eliza headed straight for the wine. Luckily, Mike hid the bottles of vodka that the Russians had sent him. 

 

The French and the Koreans arrived next. Giles let out a loud laugh when he saw Mike’s ugly sweater vest. Gustave and Emmanuelle spent their time helping Mike and Julian set up the table with fancy china and pristine silverware. “Pass those plates around,” Julian said, handing some literal plates to Gustave. Emmanuelle loudly groaned and took a swig of wine. At this rate, the wine would be out by noon. Mike didn’t know where Chul ran off to, he just disappeared the moment he walked through the doors. Grace spent her time loudly cursing at her laptop while playing some obscure, overrated shooter game. 

 

The Chinese, Polish, Spanish and Canadians all arrived at Mike’s house at once, each bearing gifts. Julian, Elena, Sébastien, Tina, and Zofia were currently the only ones that brought food. Ryad held a large stuffed bear in his arms and plonked it down on the seat next to Grace. Julian had to slap grabby hands away from his large tray of cupcakes. Sébastien had also brought a badly wrapped box and placed it under the tree. Liu and Siu kicked everyone out of the kitchen and forced them to socialize. The gifts under the Christmas tree started piling up. Elzbieta managed to find the vodka. 

 

The Germans and the Brazilians had arrived, leaving only the Russians. Dominic had brought two things, a suspicious jar and a box that seemed pretty heavy. He placed them both under the tree. Monika had brought a large pot of prime rib along with a small gift box that she gingerly placed down on top of Ryad’s bear that had been moved to lean against the wall next to the Christmas tree. Marius brought some beer that Mike didn’t even bother trying to pronounce. Elias had helped set up some extra tables that were definitely needed. Unfortunately, the extra tables weren’t as big as the dining room table. Mike had dubbed it the kids table. 

 

The Japanese arrived before the Russians. Yumiko brought a large platter of various sushi along with a small cake. Masaru brought a decently sized box decorated with Pokemon wrapping paper and immediately joined Grace in her gaming. Alexandr kicked open the partially open door and yelled “ding dong, cyka!” was holding a large metal tray filled with  _ something _ . Mike didn’t want to ask. He’d prefer if he didn’t know. Maxim placed a metal box on the floor under the growing pile under the Christmas tree. Mike didn’t say anything about the bright red soviet patterned wrapping paper that Maxim used. Timur placed a large box in the arms of Ryad’s bear and headed straight for the vodka after placing a plate of something on the dinner table. Shuhrat didn’t bring anything. Mike didn’t know if it was a cause for suspicion, but you never know. The Russians always have  _ something _ up their sleeves. Seamus walked over to Alexandr and asked what was in the tray. “It is halva, my friend!” He exclaimed. 

Seamus blinked. “What’s that?” 

All the Russians simultaneously stopped what they were doing and stared at Seamus in disbelief. Maxim opened a drawer and got out a small knife along with a plate in a cabinet. Alexandr violently placed down the tray and dramatically took off the lid. Timur and Shuhrat didn’t do anything, they just stared at Seamus. Maxim cut out a small square of the halva and plonked it down onto the plate. “Experience greatness,” the trapper whispered, placing the plate into Seamus’ hands. Mike didn’t stick around to witness the aftermath. 

 

Surprisingly, Mike’s house was still in decent condition. All the elder people sat around the main dinner table, some sat out in the living room, loudly shouting over some sports in the background. Mark was complaining about sitting at the ‘kid’s table.’ “Mike, you know how ridiculous this is?!” Mark shouted. He was squatting down on a small chair, sitting next to Julian. Yumiko didn’t complain as much and just sat down on the chair with a large plate of food in front of her. Grace and Emmanuelle were engaged in a rather heated argument about whether or not Grace would be able to hack into her drone. Timur and Tiana just ate in silence. 

 

Finally, it was time to open the absurd number of gifts that everyone had brought. Mike sat down in a recliner and grabbed the one closest to him, which happened to be Masaru’s Pokemon box. He grabbed the six-inch blade that was taped under the coffee table and cut open the wrapping, revealing two boxes of ‘roomba’ glued together. The youngins laughed. “Wouldn’t want you breaking your back vacuuming now, would we?” Masaru said smugly. 

“I can still kick your arse, you lazy bastard.” 

Dominic’s was next. Mike didn’t bother trying to lift the thing and just cut open the packaging. It was a car battery. His other gift was an old-timey cocaine jar filled with ‘powdered sugar.’ Mike didn’t know if he should believe him or not. James’ tiny box was next. It was just a packet of expired tea. Mark gave him a drone, and Seamus’ box was just a slightly smashed brick. “Now, why the fuck would I need this pile of shite, lads?” Mike sighed. 

Sébastien’s packet was next; an oversized SAS uniform that was for Ryad’s bear, no doubt, gas mask included. 

Gustave’s gift was a bottle of  _ very _ expensive wine. Emmanuelle’s was a snazzy new phone that Mike totally wasn’t going to ask anyone how to use. Julian frantically apologize, sorry that he didn’t bring a proper gift and only brought sweets. Mike assured him that everything was alright. Giles had given him a scaled-down version of his extendible shield in the form of a knick-knack, something that has saved his life numerous times. Yumiko gave Mike a fidget spinner that was shaped like one of her X-Kairos. Jack’s gift was a very small bottle of scotch, ‘for emergencies,’ as he put it. Jordan gave Mike a box of his old EMP grenades that he had left at Hereford. “You were the best damn soldier I’ve had the pleasure of working with,” Jordan said. 

Mike chuckled and placed the box next to him. “You’re the best damn breacher.” He ignored the offended looks from Yumiko, Seamus, Eliza, and Sébastien. Eliza gave him the empty bottle of wine that she had chugged. Mike honestly didn’t know why he was expecting genuine gifts from everyone. Somewhere in between the other gifts, Seamus had snuck out with Shuhrat. No one said anything and Mike tried not to mention it. It was the Russians, they have to be up to  _ something. _

The Russian’s presents were last. Mike didn’t purposely open them last, they were just the furthest away from him. Maxim’s box was obnoxiously welded together with metal sheets, Jordan’s work, no doubt. Mike didn’t bother trying to crack it open. Who knows, it might break open if he smashed it against Maxim’s head. Alexandr didn’t bring anything but the halva. Maybe Mike should be relieved. He didn’t know if he would be able to handle whatever Alexandr gave him. Timur’s was technically last, as Shuhrat didn’t bring anything - and he was nowhere to be seen. It was sort of light for such a huge box, held together with duct tape, zip ties and what seemed like super glue. Mike didn’t bother trying to preserve the box and just stabbed into it, tearing it apart. The box was empty. It was empty save for a rock glued to the bottom and a piece of paper that read ‘the real gift will come soon.’ 

“I swear, if you give me some garbage, I will kill you,” Mike threatened. 

Timur chuckled. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” He gestured to Shuhrat and Seamus walking through the front door with another large box. The top was slightly ajar and  _ something _ was shuffling inside the box. Mike prepared himself for some sort of messed up chimera creature to pop out of the box and spontaneously explode. Shuhrat placed the box on Mike’s lap and stood back, gleaming.  _ Something _ is up. Before Mike could even open the box, a small fluff ball poked its head out of the box and stood up, leaning against the wall of a box. Everyone in the room that wasn’t a cold hearted bastard melted. It was a small fluffy puppy about the size of the average teddy bear - not Ryad’s giant bear that Mike doesn’t even know where to put. The puppy let out a small bark and Mike picked him up and out of the box. It was more fluff than dog. “It’s so cute!” Yumiko squealed, slugging Shuhrat in the arm. “Where can I get one?” 

“His name is Bear. Small Russian dog,” Shuhrat stated. 

Timur took a shot of vodka and snickered. “Might be small now.” 

Mike stared into the puppy’s eyes. He’d never admit out loud that he was absolutely adorable, especially not to the Russians. If it was the same breed of dog that Mike suspected, this small little Bear would soon become the size of an actual bear. Mike would still love the damn dog regardless.


End file.
